When Justin was offered a new job in the Dallas, TX, area at the beginning of the summer, we quickly discovered that housing costs are higher here than where we were living at the time. We didn’t want to increase our mortgage by much, so we started talking about buying a fixer-upper, so that we could pay less upfront for the type of home we wanted, gradually fix it up, and build more equity as we go.
We were immediately met with the well-meaning question from family and others, “Are you sure?” The implied follow-up thoughts were, “That will be a lot of work. That will take a lot of free capital. You’ll have to give up a lot of Netflix watching. That will take so much time…Are you sure you’re willing to trade those in?”
As more people asked if we were sure, I got less and less sure.
I knew I enjoyed construction projects. I’d been through the basics in high school by joining Set Building Crew in the theater department, lending my dad a hand when he finished our basement, and several summers of Habitat for Humanity mission trips. I knew Justin was capable of all kinds of DIY projects. Way back before we met, he had finished a home that was almost completely gutted when he bought it, plus he’d already done a few minor projects around our house in MO after we moved in.
But we both did really enjoy sitting on the couch together, watching TV or the kids playing. And I enjoyed having a home already up to date, decorated, and completely functional to invite people over to. Could we actually handle a fixer-upper?
I got my answer in the two weeks leading up to when we listed our MO house for sale. Our agent had pointed out which projects around the house would really spruce things up for showing. We pawned the kids off on my family for hours at a time so we could work uninterrupted. I was nothing short of amazed by what we accomplished together in those two weeks!
Justin replaced the kitchen sink and faucet with only a little help from me. I redid all the caulking in our shower after a two-minute tutorial from him. We picked out new light fixtures and installed them together. He patched holes in the wall, polished up the yard, and cleaned out the basement to make it feel bigger. I initiated replacing the old, hideous stove so all the appliances would match, decluttered and deep cleaned areas I’d been avoiding for months, and rearranged furniture to stage each room optimally.
In short, we collaborated to make decisions about what to do, then trusted each other do our individual jobs, and helped each other when needed.
It was exhilarating. I remember thinking, “Yes, we definitely can handle a fixer upper, and I think it will actually be fun!”
After watching my husband take initiative with large projects and work diligently to complete them, I felt a sensation that was similar to first watching him become a dad to Miryam. I knew he would be great at it, but seeing him succeed in person did more than just confirm my instincts. It gave me pride that he was my husband and peace that he was the head of my family. I was proud of him—and us—for what we accomplished in two weeks on our home. I began to imagine what we could do together in two years, or five years, on another one.
Justin and the gleaming new sink he installed 
Front yard tree that Justin trimmed
We found our fixer-upper and moved in a few weeks ago. We’ve already had some epic whole-family trips to Lowe’s and Home Depot, picking out what projects to tackle first and with what style to do so. Justin has thoroughly impressed me with his tree trimming so far (I wish I’d thought to take before photos!), and this house is already feeling like Home.
I know that building a life and raising a family together are huge, vital, ongoing projects in themselves, but I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by the tangible results as well as the relational boost to our marriage when we took on a physical project together before selling our MO house. Now in this home we have enough projects to occupy us for years. I hope each will be as fun to plan for and execute as that first one was.
If you’d like to deepen your respect for your spouse—and get something done meanwhile—invite him or her to work on a project with you. It doesn’t have to be a home improvement project; it could be cooking an elaborate meal together that you might not normally attempt, building a spreadsheet to keep track of your budget that you can both agree on and access easily, or going to a painting class together and hanging up your new artwork where everyone can see. Encourage one another in the process, trust one another to finish the job, and see if you can impress each other!
Share with me in the comments a project you have done with your spouse in the past, or one you would like to do together soon!
Riley & I have done so many projects together, but this post made me so excited to buy a house! It’s almost always more fun to do something ourselves because it adds a weekly after-church trip to Home Depot together, a reason to get up & at ‘em (instead of watching movies all day which is our regular saturday plan), a short term reason to save some money, etc. I love that we live in a world where we can learn how to do ANYTHING on youtube (or from a phone call to Dad)!
Yes, exactly! It also helps to be close enough to borrow tools from dad. We had to buy our own ladder here lol
This is such good advice! I’ve always do better tackling a project with a buddy, but I never thought about how doing a project with a spouse could deepen you affection for them. Tucking that one away in my back pocket 🙂