Miryamisms (age 6)

My precocious seven-year-old said a few hilarious things while she was six. If you’ve heard my importuning about this before, you’re about to hear it again: If you have a kid in your life, make a google doc in your phone that you can access at a moment’s notice, put the kid’s name as the title, and use it to record all their funny one-liners and surprisingly deep insights with the utmost exactitude. You’ll thank yourself, perhaps through tears of laughter, at the end of the year.

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Maybe I’ll write a story called “The Mischief Maker.” That would be about Luke.

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Justin: She needs her nails cut.
Miryam: I’ve been sharpening my eyelashes.

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(Regarding a boy in her kindergarten class)
He wants to marry me, and he gives me lots of things so I won’t refuse. But I keep refusing.

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Miryam: Will the internet not let us send Marco Polo’s anymore when the virus stops?
Me: No, we’ll still be able to send Marco Polo’s.
Miryam: (audible sigh of relief)

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(Trying to be the one who ate the most BBQ ribs at dinner.)
Sixth rib, initiating.

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Luke: (randomly) If you threw all our shoes away we could never go outside.
Me: We’re not going to throw away your shoes.
Miryam: Only if they have dog dung in it.
(I did, in fact, throw away Luke’s boots once, because somehow dog poop had gotten inside them, and I couldn’t fathom how to clean it out thoroughly enough, and he was outgrowing them anyway. But the word “dung” in this context is what made me almost spit out my water, laughing.)

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The only thing I don’t like about boys is that if I play with them one time, they get a crush on me.

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Luke: Is Spiderman on the movie real?
Miryam: It’s probably just a person acting that’s really good at gymnastics.

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All this orange jello….magnificent!

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Well, elfs are cray-cray.

Need more “funny things kids say”? Check out these:
Miryam at three
Miryam at four
Miryam at five
Luke at two
Luke at three
Luke at four